Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
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he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
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After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize