1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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