And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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