i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
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so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
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Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
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