ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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