While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
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I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
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I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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