He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
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I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
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It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Text me some of your sweat
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