I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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