Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
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thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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