my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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