Just fell off a train. Bad.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I fill condoms, not promises.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
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