I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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