I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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