i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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