who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
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