i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
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I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
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Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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