Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
if only i could text you this smell
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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