This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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