No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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