so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
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can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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