Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
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Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
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so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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