True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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