she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
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I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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