Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize