remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
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