It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
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he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
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I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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