Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
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You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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