When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
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