I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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