So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
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