I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize