Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
The feeling are messing with the penis
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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