it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
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Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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