I only kidnapped one of them. chill
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
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the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
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Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
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