You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
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I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
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We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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