I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
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Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
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He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
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