so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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