how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
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