I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
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we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
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