omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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