is your mom at the bar?
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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