Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize