I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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