I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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