so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
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I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
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