Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
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So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
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she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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