I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
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Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
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I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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