weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
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He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
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I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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