had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
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You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
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