they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
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Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
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There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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